Upon A New Year's Randomly...

The really amazing thing regarding Tiger Woods, is that he secretly led the life of a porn star for 15 years while being one of the most WATCHED INDIVIDUALS ON THE PLANET.

A guy in front of me at the checkout line puts down a litre bottle of soda, a small bag of chips, and a jar of ranch dressing dip, large enough for the whole bag of chips to swim in. He then asks the clerk to add a pack of cigs to his order. She obliges, asking "and how are you today?" He grins and answers "lunchtime." I get a sudden urge to projectile vomit, just on principle.

I had to drive downtown on an errand. The level of foolhardiness to sheer insanity on the part of other motorists and pedestrians made me tremble at the wheel. Just three days prior, it had been Christmas – in less than 48 hours how quickly we can shift gears back down to viewing each other as annoying carrion.

I witnessed someone who knows "the secret." A little over five feet tall, unwashed t-shirt with heavy metal rockband logo, lots of bling, a dirty baseball cap, a cigarette and three days growth on his chin... at the wheel of a new, gold HUM-V, making an entire string of other cars wait while he struggled through a U-turn, and then painfully parallel park in reverse, between two much, much smaller vehicles – actually wedging them in. He then got out to dude-strut into the coffee shop. I kept thinking... this guy qualified for a $150,000 loan. What am I doing wrong? Is everybody in the state dealing drugs except me?

This month's post is a bit depressing so far, you think?

It has always struck me strangely, how people who screw over others always claim to believe in karma.

OVERHEARD ON A TRIP TO THE SUPERMARKET...
Not all in one night, but close enough:

Someone across the parking lot – "Chips!! Two dollah-fawty cent!! Mawda-Fawk!!"

Over the in-store speaker – "Dina to the likker 'partment... Dina to the likker 'partment."

A very well groomed young aisle attendant briefly gets his wires crossed – "May I assist your ass this evening?"

Guy with long hair and a waaaay-big mutton-chop mustache sees the beer aisle (for the very first time ever?) – "Ooooooooooh, check THIS out."

Yes, my mind is like a camcorder, and I tend to have too much fun with it.