Incredible But Wow, presents:
DEFAULT TO DICKERY!
Is everyone like this now?
So… we pitch in to buy an employee a birthday cake. We sing Happy Birthday. Then we say to the celebrated person, "it's your birthday, so you make the initial slice of the cake." Right? Right?? I've known this tradition for years and years. Why is it that the person whose birthday it is, always claims to have "never heard of it?" Like cutting the cake will ruin their life… Finally they say "alright, whatever…" They proceed to cut only themselves a slice and walk away. "… You're welcome, happy birthday ya P.O.S!"
Then… THEN, the next person comes up and says "Oh, oh I'm on a diet this week so I'll only take a tiny piece." They scoop the largest icing flower off the top of the cake, onto their plate, and leave the actual cake behind, now with a big ugly golf divot on it. Oh swell. Dick move!! "Well I left more cake for someone else…" Yeah, I'm sure half the people in line are going to go all Deathmatch for that chunk of cake with all the icing scraped OFF. Thanks a mil, Mr. Magnanimous. Mr. Pay-It-Forward!
THEN… the third person decides to show off how skilled they are with the serving knife… lops off a big square from the complete opposite side of the cake from where the initial slicing is happening, and attempts to juggle-flip the slab of cake onto there plate… held about 15 inches away. Guess how splendid that works out. And they shift the entire cake off the platter doing it. Beautimus. Now we have a cake half mutilated, and the half that was still pristine is now resting on the bare table. Such talent on display. And the person acts like… "oh well, looks like you guys have a mess to clean up" and walks away. W. T. F.
The people who pitched in, form a brief huddle: "Do you realize that the first three people who got near the cake (including the birthday person) colluded to ruin the cake for everyone coming after them, and indirectly gave us the big Middle Finger of Hope, doing it?" Three sheepish yet angry nods yes.
Cake anyone? Well I did a shitload of work today. Someone needs to buy me a *@$*@^% cake. Gee-dee it!
