A scientist tests a frog to see how far it can jump when frightened. He honks a siren which startles the frog into jumping four feet. He chops off one of the frog's limbs and honks the siren again – the frog only jumps three feet. He chops off another limb and honks the siren – the frog jumps two feet. He chops off a third limb, and the frog jumps a foot away from the honking siren. He chops off the frog's remaining limb and hits the siren. The frog stays put. The scientist writes in his journal: "With all limbs removed, frog becomes deaf."
If beer weren't involved, "Octoberfest" would go completely ignored in America. I have a feeling Cinco De Mayo would fade somewhat, and Independence Day would go the way of the dodo, too.
True story. The other day, a guy sitting next to me at a lunch counter was chatting up his buddies. I missed what preceded the statement, but suddenly he says, "yeah, I always order a Big Mac, hold the secret sauce." Then he chuckles to himself and says, "yeah you never can tell about the secret sauce." Then he takes a swig of coffee and adds, "yeah I stay clear of that secret sauce." A pause. Intentionally not looking, I could still hear his mental gears grinding away as he pondered how to work yet a fourth "secret sauce" comment into the mix. Loud enough for everyone to hear, I order bacon & eggs... "and... you have any secret sauce left?" Everyone else at the counter gets up. They each leave a dollar tip. You decide what it means.
Why don't banana bread and banana sandwiches taste the same? Aren't they both bananas and bread?
One of the things I'd like to do with a time machine is travel backward about 150 years or so, and take along a few common items from the present that would really mess with people's heads in that era... like Piña Colada ice cream... a pair of sunglasses... a Nerf football... a Pampered Chef catalog...
Finding someone reliable isn't the only chore these days, it's finding someone who actually knows how to do whatever it is that you hope they're reliable about.
Ever had one of those days when you think "somewhere there's a wall, calling my forehead."
ONE FOR THE POETRY CORNER:
If your speech leans heavily
toward upward inflection,
it's likely your brain
wouldn't pass inspection.
