June Randomness

A neatness freak is someone who can't stop rubbing.

Recently I began writing a list, entitled, "Complete Idiots Who Somehow Make More Money Than Me." I had to stop. It got scary.

Be loyal, hardworking and demand excellence from yourself and others, and some day you'll look back and wonder where the hell your life went, and why everyone hates your guts.

I just threw away all my porn, and drank an entire six-pack of diet soda. Does that make me a better person?

Talent is your ticket to fame. Fame is your ticket to money. Money is your ticket to getting laid. Getting laid is your ticket to marriage. Marriage is your ticket to being stuck with someone who sees your talent as evidence you're queer.

My bad haircut is worse than yours, because it is on ME!

Those of you who have it all figured out are annoying the hell out of us who still view every day as an adventure.

Bikers only age well in the movies.

When in L.A. you see someone in a Mercedes convertible, wearing a neon colored baseball cap, that is likely someone ripping off someone else who has legitimate talent.

I'd like to see one of the national news anchors use the adjective "fucking" just once, or sternly refer to some group in the news as "the fuckers."

Never, never insult a drunk midget with a pair of pliers in his chubby little free hand.

"Your results may vary" is ad-speak for "but you, my friend, are screwed."

Funny is a corporation handing out free pens with "Shop Local" printed on them.

I once held romance sacred. Now I think the self-centered little twats can have it, too!

Dubya is closing out his presidency with a big chug of the ol'e Kool-Aid.

Diet Chocolate Cherry Dr. Pepper. My gawd, my gawd, what have they done!!