What do you do when the stream of consciousness bottlenecks?
Be careful what you wish for. Hillary wanted someone tall, dark and handsome who would "rock her world." Look what happened.
When I was a kid, I never knew any adults who needed things explained to them on a third-grade level. Now as an adult myself, I can't escape them!
That guy who always wears short-sleeved plaid work shirts that won't stay tucked – he didn't go to Harvard.
You never ever hear of an alien abductee shitting their pants. That may be the one clue that proves they're faking. They never say, "then I blew butt-chili all over their spaceship!" If that was me, we'd be talking hot Thai rectal-reflux.
Okay – here's what I wanna know: How the hell did they time the motorcade to pass by the Schoolbook Depository right at Oswald's lunch hour?
I want a network anchorman named Hymie Schlitz. "And now here's the news, with..."
The pervert Marx brother they kept hidden in the cellar, and never let in any of the movies: Spermo.
For the most part, buying Girl Scout cookies is about as close as any of us will ever get to banging that sexy mom keeping an eye on the till.
We all have our faults. Mine runs down the center of California.
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