Overheard recently – you supply the context:
"She really likes karaoke, so let's not go there."
"No honey, walking behind you is an endless parade of joy."
"You could go in there, drop a pennie, and fart, and it wouldn't matter."
"It's not like you wanna bite the head off."
-------------------------
TMI + Vaudeville:
Powder blue, XL too,
Caught some accidental poo –
Some dumpster diver gets my drawers!
Can't go play, it's laundry day,
These doo-doo undies cannot stay –
Some dumpster diver gets my drawers!
-------------------------
Only a tattoo-sleeved war vet in a wheelchair can get away with saying at Denny's:
"How does a one-eyed turd sniper with false teeth and three toes missing go about getting an order of bacon & pancakes from one of you clap-magnets?"
-------------------------
From the Banana Split Room high atop the fine Hotel Crystal, it's Red Cherry and his Rainbow Sprinkles, whipping up the cream of yesterday's hits – sweet music with taste! Featuring the treacly vocals of Miss Vanilla Scoops, and laying it on thick is the 'Old Ladler' himself, Sir Upchoc O'Latt! Also singing second layer is Cara Mell, and Pia Nutz!
-------------------------
It took me 45 years to realize I'm nobody, and the world was dropping hints all along!
You just realized you're an aloof over-acheiver? Well, now you've GONE and DONE IT!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
No, You're Not Just Like The Rest Of Us, Mr./Ms. Politician...
Just like the rest of us, huh?
You have guaranteed travel accommodations, that we pay for. We have self-funded travel that we must budget, or even severely limit in order to make our finances stretch the month.
Your paycheck and personal security are locked in for a definite time period, regardless of what the economy does.
You have stipends and monetary allowances above and beyond your salary for additional mundane expenses. We must make one monthly sum suffice for every expenditure that arrises.
You can intentionally abstain from your job without being docked pay, much less dismissed for non-attendance.
You don't have an Employee Union because you don't need one; your "employee rights" and huge benefits are guaranteed, and irrevocable, and should you come under scrutiny for abusing them, you have a guaranteed opportunity to address matters publicly in a national forum, and then vote on them too.
You're paid to argue: to speak out and act on agendas based on your philosophies and opinions – that you can safely claim reflect the views of those who elected you. We form our opinions based on the potential consequences of your actions, speak and argue them in public at risk of alienation or even reprisal, and have to make our living doing something else perhaps unrelated, even possibly contrary to our hopes and ideals.
If your "views" parrot those of middle-management (The House Speaker or Majority Chair) you are granted unspoken permission to bend the company rules, to sabotage accomplishment.
We get the opportunity to affect your future once every two, four or six years. You get to affect our future every day.
You can vote yourself a raise, not just when you need one, but when you think it would be nice – regardless of the cost of living.
You have large, sometimes non-gratis volunteer, staffs to help you accomplish daily mundane tasks.
You have access to networks of contacts to aid you in securing your future once your employment has been terminated, in case you aren't set for life via the diligent efforts of action committees working in your best interests.
You can exempt yourself from the laws you mandate upon the rest of us.
You are given waivers, sometimes mysteriously so, from the so-called "beneficial" government programs you shill.
You get away with accumulating massive debt, then pass the burden onto a non-blood related successor. We're stuck with ours, to the grave if we can't even the balance. Then it's our children's problem.
Corporations seek out mutually beneficial relationships with you. We get sent to collections.
You enjoy guaranteed deferment from any type of duty that would place you in personal danger.
You can successfully argue that your responsibilities are merely symbolic.
The press allows you a broad forum whenever you want to speak out on something that concerns you, and proactively seeks out your opinions on current affairs. And you are taken seriously, no matter how disconnected from reality your views are.
You're the one making our country a hated enemy among the nations, and a laughing stock among their leaders. We're the ones getting shot at.
You have guaranteed travel accommodations, that we pay for. We have self-funded travel that we must budget, or even severely limit in order to make our finances stretch the month.
Your paycheck and personal security are locked in for a definite time period, regardless of what the economy does.
You have stipends and monetary allowances above and beyond your salary for additional mundane expenses. We must make one monthly sum suffice for every expenditure that arrises.
You can intentionally abstain from your job without being docked pay, much less dismissed for non-attendance.
You don't have an Employee Union because you don't need one; your "employee rights" and huge benefits are guaranteed, and irrevocable, and should you come under scrutiny for abusing them, you have a guaranteed opportunity to address matters publicly in a national forum, and then vote on them too.
You're paid to argue: to speak out and act on agendas based on your philosophies and opinions – that you can safely claim reflect the views of those who elected you. We form our opinions based on the potential consequences of your actions, speak and argue them in public at risk of alienation or even reprisal, and have to make our living doing something else perhaps unrelated, even possibly contrary to our hopes and ideals.
If your "views" parrot those of middle-management (The House Speaker or Majority Chair) you are granted unspoken permission to bend the company rules, to sabotage accomplishment.
We get the opportunity to affect your future once every two, four or six years. You get to affect our future every day.
You can vote yourself a raise, not just when you need one, but when you think it would be nice – regardless of the cost of living.
You have large, sometimes non-gratis volunteer, staffs to help you accomplish daily mundane tasks.
You have access to networks of contacts to aid you in securing your future once your employment has been terminated, in case you aren't set for life via the diligent efforts of action committees working in your best interests.
You can exempt yourself from the laws you mandate upon the rest of us.
You are given waivers, sometimes mysteriously so, from the so-called "beneficial" government programs you shill.
You get away with accumulating massive debt, then pass the burden onto a non-blood related successor. We're stuck with ours, to the grave if we can't even the balance. Then it's our children's problem.
Corporations seek out mutually beneficial relationships with you. We get sent to collections.
You enjoy guaranteed deferment from any type of duty that would place you in personal danger.
You can successfully argue that your responsibilities are merely symbolic.
The press allows you a broad forum whenever you want to speak out on something that concerns you, and proactively seeks out your opinions on current affairs. And you are taken seriously, no matter how disconnected from reality your views are.
You're the one making our country a hated enemy among the nations, and a laughing stock among their leaders. We're the ones getting shot at.
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