Sunday, January 16, 2011

Ranuary Jandomness

Why doesn't Victoria's Secret offer senior discounts? Just curious.

I need to find a cold remedy stronger than M&Ms.

Diabetes means you must greatly reduce or eliminate most great tasting food. Neuropathy means you are now a slapstick comedian below the waist, and impotent. So basically, all I can do with a prostitute is take her to Safeway and buy her groceries.

Just thinking... if Charles Lindbergh had flown backwards from Paris to New York, and naked, he'd still have the record.

-------------------

I went with my nearsighted, partially deaf uncle, to stroll a Farmers' Market, and we came to a BBQ Rotisserie with some tasty looking chickens on the spit. "Let's get lunch," I said.

My uncle looked and said, "just a minute, I need to tell this guy something." He stepped up to the man running the rotisserie and said, "buddy, I hate to break this to you, but not only is your crank organ not making any music, but I think your monkeys are on fire."

-------------------

I did something today that very soon the DHS may consider an act of terrorism: I sat in public, writing. Not on a computer, but with a pen and paper notebook. In our new culture of instant incrimination, writing in longhand may be interpreted as subversive behavior. Because I may be... what? Taking names? Drawing a diagram for a plot? Casing the joint and taking notes? Question: wouldn't it seem more nefarious if I were typing on a laptop computer, instantaneously transmitting what I typed somewhere else via a wireless connection? Apparently no. Why is writing on paper so potentially evil? Because I'm not generating income to some third party by doing it. The pen and the paper are already mine. My thoughts are mine and remain so, even though I am releasing them into reality by writing them down. No internet portal is being accessed, no application process utilized – I'm not even draining a battery. I don't owe anyone money... that's why it must be demonized. Frowned upon. Okay, maybe that's taking it a bit over the top, but at the growing rate of technology, the top is closer all the time.